Exams are almost over, just one more left, just one. then it’s summer and freedom and all those other things that people wait for. Running around, falling and scraping your knee, but not crying so your friends don’t think you’re a wuss. Staying out all hours because there’s nothing to wake up for except more days of fun. Going on crazy adventures, using imaginations, running around until you can barely breath then running some more.
All those things and better because now, now I’m an adult (which in and of itself is pretty terrifying. Who the hell would think I’m responsible?) and all those things can be done and more because now there is true freedom, cars to drive long distances, the choice to drink alcohol, being forced to sleep in your car because of drinking said alcohol and not driving.
But, life has gone on, as it always does, and those things will lose their magic eventually. There is no stopping it. Rather than fighting the change, you should welcome it as a new chapter of your life. One where you can make mistakes and blame it on others.
I have one year of my degree left. one year. So I only have two more summers of freedom. Then I will do my masters and begin to try and get a full time job. Hopefully by that time it will be related to writing.
After all, it’s not something I want to do, I need to do it. There is something inside me that forces me to write. If I can rely on that as a job, as a way to make money and survive, well that’s great. But, if it doesn’t happen, if I write these purely for pleasure, that’s fine too. I’ll have a room to write, with hastily scribbled notes everywhere, telling bedtime stories to my children and writing new ones.
Perhaps I will get a job teaching English or Classics and find that is my true passion. Maybe I won’t.
This could be my outlet, my place to put the stories, hopefully there will be people who read them and enjoy them and even if I can’t make a living from writing, really, isn’t that what any writer wants? For someone, anyone to enjoy reading their work.
I can truly say that making a living from writing would be amazing, but it would be a side effect. The need to write is there. Ingrained somewhere deep in my psyche, so deep that it may never be removed and, while I do enjoy it. There are times it can be a pain.
Like the times when I try to sleep and can’t because something is banging around in my head, telling me ideas and stories but the effort of getting up to write is too much and I just want to sleep. Or when there is nothing but my arms to write on and I come home with hastily scribbled notes ranging from the back of my hand to my forearm. In these cases I think of this need as like a pustule, a sore that needs to be constantly drained, but no matter how much pus is siphoned away, it just keeps filling back up.
But other times, when I am writing and everything else is gone and there is nothing but the words and the sound of my fingers on the keyboard it is something else. It is like I am not even there, not in control. Something else has taken over and there is no pause, no searching for a word, just the knowledge of what comes next and knowing that it is right. In these cases, I look at the need as a well, constantly filling with fresh water than can be soothing and relaxing as it refills your glass and the only thing you know is the world you are creating.
I have had this blog for almost a month at this point and I have not written a blog post. I feel that now is as good a time as any. In doing this, I am outlining my hopes for the future, but, in saying that, I am aware that it may not happen. I would like to thank everyone reading this, because if I end up able to make a living from writing, if I end up popular enough to do so, it will be because of you.
But, if only a few people read this and I do not reach the heights needed, then do not worry. I will not stop, as long as someone is reading and I have the ability to type, I will not stop writing new stories and posting them.
So, thank you for reading. I hope you enjoy both the stories that have been posted and the ones that will be in the future.