So had the dilation and everything went well as it can. The prep seemed a little easier this time and same with the recovery of the colonoscopy/dilation. Had some pain this morning so a little worried that the stricture has shrunk down again since the dilation, but right now it’s a wait and see kind of thing. Switching over to a low residue diet for now, so hopefully that’ll help me avoid any serious problems until I find out what’s going to happen next. Woo Crohn’s!
Either way I’ve had a good few years that I’ve been only dealing with relatively minor symptoms, definitely looking forward to when that time comes around again!
Hope everyone had a good week and that ye all have an awesome weekend!
Darcy looked at him and smiled, “Good morning Mr. Ross.”
She watched as he went towards the elevators, how long had they been working together now? Five years? Well, together might be a bit of a generous term, mostly their interactions were short, but they did have coffee a few months ago. Well, not together so much as at the same table, she had asked him if he was enjoying his book and he had told her it was just all right. She had picked up a copy of it on her way home that evening and she had to agree. She had brought the book into work a few times, hoping he’d notice and she’d be able to spark a conversation on it, but he never seemed to, even when she was holding it while standing right in front of him. She sighed as the elevator doors closed. Beside her Janice laughed, “Still carrying that torch?”
“I can’t help it, there’s something about him. I just turn to mush when he’s around.”
Janice shook her head, “forget about him, it’s not going to happen. I heard he started seeing someone recently.”
“Oh really? Who?” Darcy felt a prickle of jealousy, what was so great about the woman he was seeing? She was intelligent, she was pretty and fun.
“John in accounting.”
“Oh.” She felt her cheeks burning, “Well, maybe he swings both ways.”
“Yeah maybe, though I wouldn’t hold out hope.”
Darcy sighed, “I know it’s ridiculous, but it’s like he has some kind of hold over me.”
Janice nodded, “It’s the suits, the man knows how to wear a suit.”
“But it isn’t just that, it’s everything about him. His eyes, the way he smiles, he just has this way of talking to you, it makes you feel kind of special or something.”
Janice nodded, “it’s because he’s a nice guy. You’re just getting all caught up in him cos you know you can’t have him. It’s safe.”
“That is so not what I’m doing!”
“How? He was married, happily so and you never actually talked to the guy. Or Bob, or Frank, or any of the others. You want them because you know you can’t get them. It makes them safe.”
“I don’t do that!”
“Name one available guy you’ve liked in the last five years…well?”
“I think you should do something to get over it, like go on a speed dating night or pick up someone from a bar.”
“I dunno, that sounds seedy.”
“My cousin met her husband at a speed dating thing. You could try online dating too.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“Don’t just think, do! Take a risk for once, you never know you might be surprised.”
the phone started ringing
“Yeah, maybe I will.”
Janice snorted and answered the phone.
Darcy threw the book into the bin, it had been stupid buying it anyway. Maybe Janice was right, maybe she was just attracted to unavailable men. It would explain a lot, particularly how her crushes never seemed to move beyond that point to actual relationships. The thought of going to speed dating made her skin crawl, she could already picture it, a bunch of ugly, desperate men drenched in cologne wearing ill-fitting suits, and going out to a bar to pick up someone wasn’t much better. Online dating did have its benefits, you could see the person without having to actually interact with them, but the idea of it made her nervous; if people needed the screen of the internet for dating there had to be something wrong with them, right? She would like to meet a man the old fashioned way, something romantic and magical, with long lingering glances and laughter and blushing. Not that she was likely to get that these days, it seemed most other people didn’t want a relationship, they just wanted a quick screw and a insincere promise of calling in the morning. Maybe she just wasn’t meant to find someone, she knew something about that thought should made her feel a little sad but it didn’t, it seemed to just be true, like she had always known it. Darcy poured herself a glass of wine and looked around her small apartment, who would want to join their life with hers? She was in a dead end job, sure she enjoyed it, but she wasn’t moving upwards, she lived in a small apartment by herself, she had no real friends to speak of, she and Janice went for drinks occasionally, but Janice was really the only person she could call a friend. Maybe she should just give in and buy a bunch of cats already, embrace the stereotype. She took another sip of wine, what did she need anyone for? It wasn’t like she wanted kids and even if she did there were sperm donors these days and she was happy enough to be alone. She had always felt slightly distant from people, always felt like she never truly belonged. Fantasies and day dreams were her friends, where everything was safe and wonderful and could never go wrong. She sat down on her couch, shifting a little to make herself comfortable.
Half a bottle of wine later and she knew she was right, she was meant to be alone, it was her destiny. She could try and pretend otherwise, nurture her infatuations with unavailable men, but to do so was childish. She should just accept facts, she was going to be alone and if she was truly honest with herself, she was fine with that. It was safe, there was no danger of getting hurt, no worries about slotting her life into another person’s. No, alone was better. She was free to do what she liked when she liked, and if she was feeling particularly lonely, well there were apps for that kind of thing these days. Herself and Janice had spent one of their lunches giggling over it as Janice went through men swiping left and right.
The next morning Darcy woke with a pounding head and a thick, dry tongue. She pulled herself from bed and went into the kitchen, there she made herself a cup of coffee. She took a sip and a wave of nausea crashed over her, she closed her eyes and took a few slow breaths, when she was feeling a bit better she took another sip. She alternated feeling nauseous and sipping the coffee until it was finished and a few minutes after that she started to feel a bit better. Luckily it was her day off today, so she didn’t have to worry herself too much about that. She looked at the two empty wine bottles sitting on the counter, when was the last time she had drank that much? Normally she wouldn’t be able to finish a bottle before it went off. She stumbled over to her couch and sat down, she looked around and realised the remote was across the room, sitting by the TV. She sighed, she wasn’t really planning on actually watching anything anyway, maybe she would get the remote in a little bit.
Darcy woke with a start, she had dozed off on the couch, feeling a bit better than she had before she stretched and yawned then went to the sink and filled a glass of water. She carried that back to the couch and sat down, she looked around for the remote, “Oh god damn it.”, it was still sitting beside the TV. Sighing she stood and walked the few feet over to it, then she returned and settled in. She felt a pang in her chest as she remembered a bit of the night before, how easily she had accepted being alone. She shook her head, that was just stupid drunk thinking, it didn’t actually mean anything. She flicked on the TV, she’d find someone eventually, she just hadn’t met the right one.